I hate everyone and everything.
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Sometimes,

When life gets this depressive and I have nothing to do throughout the day I just sleep.

When I have nowhere to say things I don't want anyone real to see, I defer to websites like this.





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I Name You Haley.

Crying in school = awkward. That is all. Either nobody wants to look at you or talk at/to you. Or everybody wants to know what's wrong.

OR. OR. Nobody wants to talk to you and then they all ask your friends what is wrong.

More like attack your friends.

Everyone needs to just calm down.....

Myself included.

I've gotten over the fear of crying in front of people...obviously. And now its just ... crying all day all the time every time. So...that's great too.

I hate that is says this by the way.... V (that's a down arrow)
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I Want To See If This Works

Yes. I do. Jack Antonoff is the only thing keeping me alive as of lately. Him. My art teacher. That's pretty much it.
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Lies.

2011 is the year of lies.

And the year of loneliness.

I'm pretty sure I'll find this all out to be true. I've never felt more alone nor told as many lies as I have... this year. Already. It's been six days. 2010 I'm carrying more lies over.

I have this feeling in my chest. And I'm not sure if it's from the greatest lie I've told yet... or because of something else.

It's been a year since I've been here.

It feels weird.

I update once a year basically now.

And they're all about the same depressing old shit.

Now that people follow me on tumblr....twitter....facebook...other blogsites. This is the only one nobody knows.

25 2008, 5 2009

Those are my posts to date.

I was hoping to get one in by the way I've been updating.

Nothing too too exciting has been happening in my life.

I also don't have anything clever or funny to say.

My sister's friend (and I suppose mine as well) is getting married on my birthday. She's coming into town today. (My birthday is September 25).

I stopped writing this...

On accident of course.

I honestly don't have anything to say, but revisiting my site makes me want veggie-fucking-pizza.

The gayest veggie pizza you'll ever eat.

I only signed on to comment a blog written by B.McManus. It was her reaching out to the closeted community of followers she has on her blogging. I came out a few days ago. Really a couple days.
Two days exactly.
Probably around this time too.
Oh no, I lied.

It was around mid-day.

It was an awkward coming out type of story.
She wanted to "get to know me" and asked me a series of questions.
One of which asked if I had a boyfriend, and if not why.
In which I responded with "I'm for surely a big dyke."
I was feeding my cat at the time of coming out too.
I think that's +20 in gay points.

But now she's makin' jokes.
"Hey Ma! How do you make Schweddy Oreo Balls?" (Referring to me making Oreo Balls for Christmas time and the SNL skit I decided to watch before making my Schweddy balls.)
"You have a lot of hot sex."
Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Seriously?
That's RIDICULOUS!!!!!

I love it.
I feel awkward as hell around her now though. Like she's always gonna bring it up.
But oh well. What's done is done. I feel really really relieved and awkward.
She doesn't care about it either. So I'm "accepted". I suppose. Which is good, I guess.

After promptly explaining "I just know I am." I asked "So do you care?" She responded with "No."
But I'm pretty sure she does, but I won't look into it.
She asked me if I had a boyfriend but never asked me if I had a girlfriend.
I wish I did at this exact moment in time so I could just be keeping one thing from her.

And then on in the night we made veggie pizza. (Which my friend brought up, cuz she said it was coolio that my mum didn't care cuz afterward we baked.)
And then I went to my friends house where we got jiggy & did illegal things. But not sexual illegal things. But I went to the same friend's house my mom thinks I'm gay with. She asked about her in our gay conversation. It was really awkward.
"Is Ang gay?"
"Uh..... not anymore." (Which is semi-true. She's just had a boyfriend for so long it trumps her ever having a girlfriend for right now.)
"Haha. Does she have a boyfriend?"
"Uh, not anymore."

So then I went to her house.
"So what'd your mom say?" I texted her promptly (about an hour or so) afterward.
"Uh. She was like 'Is Ang gay?' and I responded with 'Not anymore.'" (And then here comes the flack of wah-wah's. Aka a lot of laughter.)
"What else did she say?"
"About you? Nothing."
I think if I brought up her ex bf she'd be pretty peeved. Like pissed. Like she'd strangle me at 2am.

in lieu of B to the Ridget McMann always posting photos at the end of her blogs, here's my homage to her. (for giving me the shove (or as Jack Donaghy would say, lured me with a puppy to the deep end of the pool and shoved me in) into coming out into the deep end of the pool and accomplishing something. and now I have no New Years resolution. god damn.)

(veggie pizza is da bomb.)