Best & Worst Quote Award of The Day goes to....

Best:
“Ben moved it with the frozen donkey wheel, what’s hard to understand about that?”
-Anthony
Runner Up:
"He's not cute, but he's an awesome friend, so we're going out now."
-Jen

Worst:
"At least care more about ME and don't go out with him."
-Noel
Runner Up:
"It smells so bad in here [bathroom with cat litter] I just want to kill somebody!!"
-Mum

nd then she went on this spiel about how you can't just put the kitty litter in the garbage you actually have to take it out... but that wouldn't of been a good bad quote.

More Cow Bell.

Uhm. Yesterday at Applebees (we went out to dinner cuz Jen left the next morning). And my dad told me to be a lawyer. And my sister told me to be a doctor. But I've learned to not listen to what people tell me and just beee happy. :) I mean, I just learned this like... this year. I mean. I try to do that. But ... I don't want all these honors classes anymore. : /. (cuz I already know what I wanna do... and it doesn't deal with this) but I don't want to not go to college, y'know? I don't want to be one of those people.

I'm really tired and really hungry. I went to drop my sister off at the airport at 3AM nd got back home at around 6. We stayed there and helped her check in and things, but then they didn't even let us through the thing until like 15 minutes before she NEEDED to check in. It was so stupid. But yeah. And then I went to school today.. on about 1.5 hours of sleep, which isn't that bad. But I haven't eaten in ... a reaaally long time. Agh! I'm so fucking tired!!!!

I always get overly happy for the wrong reasons.

I realize this now, but I always do something like that. I can't really pin-point a time right at this moment. But it's really sad when it happens.

My sister leaves at 3AM tomorrow. She's gonna leave for about ... a semester. Five months. Ish. She's taking my laptop. And my camera. And my iPod. Well, I bought her the iPod, so she can take that. And half of my clothes. So.. I think this will be good though. Y'know? Cuz I've been around her for all my life (literally, fucking twins) and it'll be good get some space. FUCK!!! I went to Barnes & Noble last night and I didn't get my sketchbooksssss. Argh. I'm so mad at that cuz I'm never gonna go back there and get them because I won't have a ride or anythin'. So. Yeah. So we're getting ready to take her and shit. I'm helping her pack and all that. She's my built in buddy. And now she's leaving for Florida to intern at Disney. She should get a reality tv show like The Hills. Because she's going to Intern at Florida like Lauren Interned at Teen Vogue. And Whitney. But she wouldn't have been a character if Lauren wasn't there. Is it sad I know this all? I'm pretty sure it is. Haha.

Everytime I say the word "hard" now I think of this:

And then I have to repeat "hard" like she says it.

fdhsfioewhfomwaifona.
I want to see Tegan & Sara so bad in October.
I wanted to see Jack's in August so bad.
I want to see Jack's in it's next headlining tour in the fall so bad.
dsfhiaofnaoimn nd I'm gonna miss it all unless I find ... someone to take me and someone to take me back and I could probably scrounge up the money and shit. afheowaifamwn. I'm glad my sister didn't go see Brad Paisley yesterday, I would have been so pissed at her for going to Brad but not going to Jack's with me with Paramore!!
..Jonas Brothers concert is tonight. It's kinda sad I know that half of my friends are actually going. I mean it's sad their going. But I haven't really listened to them. The Jonas Brothers. BUT I'VE LISTENED TO TEGAN & SARA AND I WANNA GO. SO BAD. JB is touring with The Veronica's. Haha. They're sooo rad. I love them so much. They're Australian!!! :DDDDD I love that. Haha. Being Australian just makes you cool by that fact alone.

Folding Char Controversy.

I love that word, Controversy. I don't get to use it as often as I'd like. Well, actually I do. Becuase there's always major controversy in my house. My brother is talking to me again. I'm not too sure why, it just happened yesterday and the day before that. So now he's loud again. And more annoying again.

Femotion

There's no song right now to captivate how I feel.

Which is very enraged.

There's no enraged song that isn't ... screamo or hardcore metal. Why not?



-Guilty of This.

I probably shouldn't find it funny

that I got a 23% on my World History summer assignment. But I do.

And you know what I realized today in Eng class?

That before I cared so much about getting A's... because I actually did the work and cared a lot about grades. But this year... I hardly do the work and I don't care about grades anymore. It's kinda really bad.

I'm done

trying to make peace with this feud between my brother & I. I did the ol' switcheroo about last Monday or so. And I've hardly spoken to him since.

just btw on that note.

I'm not sure what this will be about. Or how long it will be.

All I know is that I feel the worst I've felt the entire year. I feel so horrible. And I don't even know why. To start the day off I missed my bus. I don't even care to explain the rest of the day except I was told off by this one black bitch that I should get over George... because I'm in love with him. Sure. Whatever she wants to believe. I think in my mind that I finally got over this one girl that was pining for and now I just feel shitty and so .. terrible. I feel so angry and I can't even explain the feeling. I punched my sister about five times (she honestly asked me to). That didn't make me feel better. I'm not sure what it is. I just do not want to live this day right now. I have about twenty tests tomorrow and I am so overwhelmed with everything, maybe that's it. I have no clue.
The only good part about B-Days is Honors Art. The only good thing about A-Days is Honors World History. The rest of the fucking day can go screw itself over and over again. And I was so upset at lunch/dinner today that I can't even start to explain what happened.
My mother and I never speak. I hear things from my sister and father of what my mother says about me and what she doesn't say to me. Jen & I apparently don't love her. Which is understandable because of the way we act sometimes, I suppose. Jenny told me the other day "I understand why you don't like her much" because at the old house she was calm and serene apparently when we moved (I was five going on six) she became angry and yelling and upset everyday. Which is definitely true now. She yells at every single thing possible. She's upset about every single thing possible. Jen always yelled at me when I made her cry, when I honestly didn't do a thing. She now understands what I mean when all Jen says is something about her and she cries.
My mother thinks I am the worst child to have ever. ...When I'm probably the most desired child to have. I don't go out and drink every night. I've never failed a class. I don't sleep around with boys. I don't sleep around with girls. She thinks I don't appreciate anything in life. She thinks... She thinks I'm so immature and disrespectful, but if she saw how I acted in these situations that I've come to hand, she would know so much more different. And if I ever say "You don't know me at all." She will get very upset and angry and tell me that I don't tell her anything to know me. It's because she doesn't want to know me ... and she doesn't deserve to know me the way she treats me. She treats me like the plague. She thinks I'm so ungrateful and that I don't help out around the house and I'm not productive. She expects so much out of me. She expects me to never fail a thing. She expects me to be valedictorian, which I'm not going to be but she won't believe me. They all expect me to be extremely smart. And be a doctor. They don't expect me to voice my opinions. I'm not sure what the expect out of me anymore but I'm done. I'm seriously fucking done trying to please her and my father and my brother and my sister. I'm done trying to please my best friends. I know I'm not done acting like nothing is wrong. I'm not done with that. I will never stop that. My mother came into my room today and kept saying "Homework. Homework." And she never believes a thing I say. Even when I was young. Yesterday she got so fucking upset when I told her you can't recycle aluminum. And she got so upset when my sister told her to stop looking at her bingo card that she was just jinxing it. I don't even know what to say anymore. ...My mom told my sister to go see a hardly violent movie before I did because of something I said. OH IT WAS SMOKIN' ACES. My mother told my sister one day to see Smokin' Aces before I did because she heard it was really violent. I don't remember what I said. Oh yeah. I was giving a hypothetical situation when I killed her and my father and then my sister raised me or something. I don't even remember, but it was the least violent thing ever. I didn't even want to see that fucking movie!!


I can't speak of this anymore.

I just can't.

I've been on the verge of tears for the past week or so.

Like in gym class, when I basically started crying and Mr. Lanahan (creepoid) pulled me over and asked me what was wrong because I usually try my hardest in gym.



-Faint of Heart & Out of This Mess.

Pet Peeve

I hate when people misspell simple words & then respell it correctly like I am idiotic in a way that I will not understand that the "e" is missing from "the".
& On the other hand, I also hate when people misspell things HORRIBLY five seconds later and do not respell it, thinking I will understand it. No, I didn't think "barao" was "bird".

And I felt sick & so alone. (this might be a long one...)

You're no mystery to me, Miss California.

A lot of my titles are lyrics. Like this one. Or a lot will be lyrics. I'm not sure why I always do it, but I will. But this one might be long. I'm not sure. I always like to subject them ... before I write. & I like to title it something clever. Maybe that's why I use lyrics. I'm not sure. BUT ANYWAYS. I dunno. I feel better. I'm better. I was just. I don't know. Uptight. About. Yeah. Wow. I just said the shortest sentences of my life in a string of sentences. Gilmore Girls will be forever ruined for me now. I was watching it today. It was the one when Sookie found out she was pregnant and Paris slept with Jamie (is it bad I know this show this well?) but then my friend, Ang, texted me, "Al and Steph are dating. :\" AND SHE USED A BACKSLASH! I really had to point out the backslash, because people confuse backslashes for forwardslashes (frontslashes?). It angers me. My response to that was "I have no response to dignify my thoughts." Who the fuck says that? I mean seriously. What happened to me in my life that I speak like that? Or I would say that. And mind you that was twenty minutes after she texted me. So I obviously literally thought about it for awhile. My first thought was "there goes my happy five weeks." I've been truly happy for the past few weeks. Month? I'm not sure. I've been truly happy for the past while. I've never felt like this, honestly happy. I've been laughing. And smiling. And. I don't know! I've been happy. THE LAST TIME I SAID THIS. She didn't come near me. We ended the school year and she cried, so she didn't come near me because she didn't want to make me sad because I said that this was the best day because we were ending the school year & next year would be GREAT because it's the beginning of the ending. And I don't want to say that, because then she won't speak to me about her problems and shit because she doesn't want to make me upset. I thought I was over her. She's practically my best friend. And I don't want to make it awkward between us. Like it was the first year we hung out. It still kinda feels awkward. Hardly though. It will again though, since she's dating my ... used-to-be best friend. Well. I'm not sure what's up between us. We're just... friends? Acquaintances now? I'm not sure. We hardly talk at all. Or look at each other. It was really awkward at Warped Tour. And the he texted me afterwards "Why was Stef ignoring me?" "I didn't think she was? I'm not sure. Ask her." "I'm gonna call her tonight to see whats up." Haha. That was the conversation. It was really awkward cuz we haven't talked all ... year long. I'm really good friends with his sister though, Ang, who texted me & told me they were dating in the first place. Which was AWKWARD not to hear it from the first party. But I thought I was over her! I'm not sure what I feel anymoree. Which I hate this, cuz now it's got me ... thinking!! And thinking is never good for me. Because I over think way too much. But. Yes. They're dating again. And last time it ended horribly. I don't even remember when it ended... or how it ended. All I know is he broke her heart & she hasn't been the same since. Buuut. Liiike. We were best friend before this Steph debacle even happened. And now I'm her best friend. It's weird. But anyways Al & I were best friends before this ever happened and I was in the middle of it. Of every fight, of every conversation, of everything. And I'm (it just auto saved at 11:11 which is quite odd because now I'm thinking of Konstantine... and songs have big impacts on everything as I will explain in a few) in the middle again!!! I told her I'd ask what her thoughts were and like what he wanted in all this or whatever and right after I said that I mentally cursed myself. I'm an idiot. "FUCK I'M IN THE MIDDLE AGAIN" were the thoughts that raked my brain, I believe. But right after I heard the news, I'm not sure how I felt. I'm still not sure how I feel about this whole situation. But whatever. I'm over it. I don't know. Haha. It's a reaally weird subject right now. And then I felt weird. My eyes are so dry. But I dunno. I feel like I'm acting different now. Hmph. I dunno.

So I hung out with Ang today. She called me and asked me if I wanted to play Mario Party. Haha. I dunno. We're weird. We hang out and play video games. And she had to go to a party afterwards and wanted to kill time. So we played-- and how funny is the name WULUIGI!!! She laughed at me for laughing at the name WULUIGI! But anyways. The night was over and I was in Kendall ........ that sounded wayy overly sexual than it really was. She named her car Kendall. Why, did she name her Kendall you ask? Because there was some girl in her Spanish class named Kendall and she was pretty, and her car was pretty, so she named her Kendall. Which I thought was weird. And so my first question was what her last and middle name was. And she did not have a middle name. Or a last name. So the first song that came on was "Last Name" on her XM radio. So I said it was a sign! That Kendall wanted a last name. So the next song that came on was "LolliLolli" and I said that's her middle name! Kendall Lolli. It sounds really good. Haha. But we still have no last name for her. The next song was "American Boy" and "I Kissed A Girl" and then I was at my house and she texted me "Leavin'" was the next song and I told her it was cute because her car missed me. Haha. And I stroked her. ..the car. Kendall. I stroked Kendall. And Ang told me I was fingering her. WHICH I WAS DEFINITELY JUST STROKING HER. And I responded with "If this is fingering... Then... wow." I was going to say that she had a huge haha. I can't even say it ... verbally or through words. Haha. Because it was definitely stroking!!! Godd. I don't even know if she knows what fingering is if she doesn't know fingering from stroking. ...then I'm really sorry for her.

So I'm not sure if what I'm feeling right now if feelings towards her. Or just I really care about her. Is that the same thing? I'm not sure.

I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution.

He just called me. Now that he's dating one of my best friends I guess it just rekindled our relationship. Even if it was a phone call about Hong Kong.

(sorry, I felt the need to vent it all...)

Caption: Comfortably Numb
http://www.flickr.com/photos/you-did/ < creds go to her. I'm not that good of a photographer [insert incredibly angry and sad face] and not that good of a model. And I'm not as pretty as her. Or as German as her. Which is incredibly awesome. I heart her.

Hopefully this is the last time I vent about something like this. :) Let's hope for no drama between the new couple.

I'm picking my nose.. at least the peeling skin off the top.

Jack's Mannequin/Paramore/Phantom Planet - August 12th. 80$.
Kate Voegele - Gurnee Mills Mall August 23rd. Gas Money. $40.
Finishing Homework that should have been done six weeks ago? Priceless.

If I go to Jack's Mannequin (which is 90% a go) I want to finish my summer work before then. :) I set high goals for myself. Mace put To Kill A Mockingbird in her favorite book list, which kinda angers me because we were talking about that book and she said it was really boring. I think she just wrote it down to sound interesting, like Jenna (Jane Krakowski) put the Quran down as one of her favorite books down to sound interesting.

I was originally just going to stop the title there "Picking my nose" but then I realized it sounded a lot more vulgar than it really is. I meant the skin off the top (which is still nasty). Because you're not supposed to... but things you're not supposed to do you just thrive to do them so much more.

School starts in eight fucking days. Today, in about four hours [9am], Orientation starts... I'm skipping it. I'm not stepping into that school one more day than need be. I cannot wait to get out of this place... and finally live.

I have a love hate relationship with being "young." You'll [I'm speculating that this is reaching to at least one person out there in the six billion world we're living in] probably understand that in the near future because I complain about it a lot a lot. ..my brother definitely just stole my futon. It was just sitting in his room for the time being; until I got my mattress. And he definitely just stole it. So I'm going to pull a "Friends" moment and switch it while he's out.

...I was just up for 24 hours and didn't even notice it. (i can't stop listening to Jack's Mannequin again...)

C'mon Sox. Let's try for a sweep against the Tigers. :) (I always want to spell it tigres.)


-The So Unknown (Drop Out)

p.s. why did I do so many honors classes to get all this fucking summer work? Why?

p.s.s When I don't regret it and I'm in Harvard, remind me of this right here & tell me it was all worth it.

It's so high, and I'm so tired.

55 Days until The Glass Passenger.:) The Ghost Overground came out yesterday. It's 3.96 on iTunes.

And that concludes the shameless plug portion of the program.

My face is peeling.
I bought a Futon Mattress.
I cleaned everything out under my bed to move the frame & mattress in my room.
I'm doing all of this instead of my summer work that needs to be done by the 14th or else I'm screwed. So I have about two weeks to read To Kill a Mockingbird and The Worlds Religion. Draw three pictures. Including a self portrait, three transparent glasses, and a close-up view of a flower. A math & science packet. And to top it all off a journal for To Kill A Mockingbird and The Worlds Religion.

I hate being awake in the mornings. I hardly even know what day it is because I go to sleep at awkward times now. The way I sleep is not socially acceptable according to Wikipedia. And probably half of everybody in the world.

I've realized I like writing down really random things... I found a bunch of notebook-type objects under my bed that I've cleaned out... and there are a lot of random quotes I wrote down. And I dated them too. I also wrote what was on tv at the time of me writing. And random lyrics, I've loved writing random lyrics. I had horrible writing when I was a kid too. It's because I'm left handed, and teachers always made me write things a right-handed way. LIKE IN FIRST GRADE. This is a very suppressed memory, which would explain the reason I hate the number eight. SHE MADE ME write the number eight like fifty billion times. Because she told me I wrote them backwards. And my T's. She said I t'd them off wrong. Bitch. I'm left-handed. I never noticed I wrote things backwards until recently. My History teacher was left handed and she explained that she wrote lines from right to left instead of left to right like right handed people do. That explained it. That was a few years back.

There's some statistic that ... like... 5000 left-handed people die a year by trying to use right-handed made products.

Warped Tour 2008.

Was fun. And less hot than last year. And I got less sun burn. And it was a lot more fun than last year. Last year I swear we only saw Paramore... and then drank tea the rest of the time in the amphitheatre. Okay last year... we saw Boys Like Girls... Paramore... and that's all I remember.

This year we saw The Academy Is..., All Time Low, Katy Perry, Relient K, and is that all? I feel like it is. But I feel like we saw more. But it was really fun. Haha. I almost died after Katy Perry. Thinking about it now I have no clue why we went that way. We were like in a ... limbo type area where we were in a pushing place with a ... mosh? I'm not sure how to describe it. But it was fun. They were out of tea this year! [Insert Obnoxious Sad Face] But I saw a lot more people this year than last. I saw Alex & Ang... and... Misty. And Joanna & ...Gretchen. Haha. WE DIDN'T SEE HALEY. Which was a bummer. But it was still fun. I basically had to bench press a few people when they were crowd surfing. I got kicked in the head once (I guess it's a tradition now, two years in a row). But Steph & I pushed towards the front of The Academy Is. Haha. It was fun. ...And we were all up on stage for Anberlin but didn't stay to see them. I got Jack's Mannequin & Relient K Stickers and a Jack's Mannequin shirt. : ) That's really all I bought.
OH. I think we bought a Katy Perry shirt... now that I think about it. Haha. Steph bought one and put it on and a lot of people were commenting about the shirt, it was funny. It said "I kissed a girl & I liked it." And some guy was like "What about guys?!" haha. And he had "Free Kisses" written on his chest. Or something like that. Haha, it was fun to see what people would say about the shirt. Oh yeah! We also saw The Aggrolites, they were AWESOME! Reggae. It was great. They were on before Katy Perry and rocked the stage.

The Asian band was cool too. Oreska Band? One word? Two? They were good. AND OH! I have to say that the hottest girl I've ever met was there. Haha. She was raddd. I miss her. Haha. I crashed after Warped Tour. Like last year. But this time we didn't watch a Lifetime movie. : ( Jack's Mannequin wasn't there. : ( Which was sad. Buuut they're on a tour with Paramore. Which is cool. All in all it was fun. And we got a Katy Perry guitar pick. :)

Craziness is kicking in.

There's a water at the edge of my desk that I am currently on... and it's not mine. It's my sister's friend that is over... and she took one sip and put it down on the edge of the table. I keep staring at it waiting for it to be moved/empty alas, it is not. Thankfully it had no ice in there to melt and create a ring on my table. I have never been this crazy about things like this in my entire life. Alright, I moved it, and grabbed a coaster for my drink. It's all good now.

This movie isn't all that funny. Harold & Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay. I expected it to be better. A lot. The only thought through my head while watching this movie is "Oh right, I'm gay." And me mumbling about ignorance in my mind. The "Oh right, I'm gay" part is jokingly of course. Mostly when they were talking about ... how Harold & Kumar were supposed to suck this guys dick and he said he wasn't gay but they were gay for sucking his dick. Which... doesn't make sense. It does make sense I suppose in some.. weird odd way. But doesn't. At the same time. And they were having this bottomless party in which this guy was sporting a Sasquatch (or whatever hairy beast you can think of) bush. It was disgusting. Not a high point of the movie.

But I won't rant anymore about movies. I really want tea. I've had a real urge to drink tea for a really long time.

Today was boring.
To do list:
Finish To Kill A Mockingbird